| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
|
|
Time Out for Adults
"Get down from the table top right now! What are you doing? Floors are for standing on, tables are for eating. You need a time out, young lady. You go to your room and think about how you have been acting today." So little Mary, 4, goes to her room with a sulky look on her face, but is quickly lost in a game with her dolls and toys. When her mother comes to tell her that she can come out, she is so engrossed in playing that she barely looks up, completely forgetting why she was sent to time out in the first place. So, does time out work for children? Yes, but only when it is age appropriate (one minute for each year of age) and then followed by a discussion at eye level of why the action was unacceptable. There has to be some conversation or connection to the actual event or misbehavior for it to be used as a teaching tool. It has been my experience that the consequences need to be tied in some tangible way to the mistake in order for the discipline to become long lasting. Perhaps a more effective teaching discipline would be to have Mary scrub the table and chairs. When the room is in chaos, the kids are fighting, the phone is ringing, the potatoes are burning and the baby is crying all at the same time, the natural reaction is to explode. Even the act of seeing the bike in the driveway, again, is enough to make the blood boil and the steam come out of our ears. However, I am convinced that parents need to step back at times and reflect on the fact that they are teachers who are training the next generation, instead of giving in to the impulse to scream, smack or threaten. Step back to see a new perspective. It is better by far for you to give the child some warning and say " I am so angry right now that I am afraid I will say or do something that would make both of us sorry, so I am going to go in the bedroom and calm down for a few minutes. Meet me in the living room in 15 minutes and we will discuss it. But, in the meantime, I strongly suggest you not bother me and that you spend the time thinking about solutions to the problem." When you feel tense, try saying calming things to yourself aloud: "Things will work out, it is not worth a stroke" "I want to have the misbehavior stop, but not damage my child's spirit" "That was a rotten thing for her to have done, but she is not a rotten child" "She is a good child who made a bad choice" "Is this worth ruining the evening over?" "This too (or two, in the case of toddlers) shall pass." Relax somewhat by taking a deep breath to the count of four, hold for the count of four and release to the count of four, while you are thinking or saying aloud "Be calm". Now, do it again at least three times. You can feel your muscles unwind and your head clear somewhat. You will feel more in command of your voice and your actions. Focus on solutions, not excuses In 15 minutes (often you don't get the luxury of one minute for each year of age, but wouldn't it be nice?) you will have calmed down some and the child will be ready to offer solutions. Do not allow him to offer excuses, only solutions. Allowing him to own the problem and the consequences makes it a much more effective learning experience for both of you. Taking time out before a discussion gives both the parent and the child time to regain some perspective and come up with a much more meaningful solution than one handed out in a moment of anger. An example from one mother Sandy, Mother of 3 shared with a parenting class some excellent advice on dealing with children; "Many times when the kids seemed to have 'an attitude' that I knew could rapidly lead to a confrontation, I made them go in the kitchen and have a peanut butter sandwich or some cheese and crackers and then meet me in 20 minutes to discuss things. Frequently, they were simply hungry or thirsty and needed to get some protein and carbohydrates in their body to regulate the blood sugar. It is amazing how many arguments were forestalled by a full belly. Finding out that active 11-13 year old boys needed 3,000 calories a day to operate and grow, explained why they were cranky a lot!" Take an adult time out to regroup You have my permission to take a time out whenever you need it. Children need firm and kind discipline and we can't offer that when we are angry or out of control ourselves. A few minutes of reflection, prayer or deep breathing can give us a new prospective on life and the crayon drawings on the living room wall. You do the most important work in the world and twenty years from now, it will be a funny family story about Mary on the dining room table. In reflection you will both realize that tables can be washed or even replaced, but close relationships and respectful guidance are priceless. Judy H. Wright© 2005 www.ArtichokePress.com Judy H. Wright is a parent educator and PBS consultant whose passion is working with Head Start staff and parents as well as child care providers. She wants to encourage a climate of mutual respect and nurturing to all. She salutes those who work with children, either in their home or as a profession. For more a complete listing of articles, books, cd's, workshops and speaking engagements, see www.ArtichokePress.com. Be sure and sign up for the free ezine, "The Artichoke, finding the heart of the story in the journey of life."
MORE RESOURCES:
Parenting - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Parenting Your Teenager: Kids and Money Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage the money they will be making. Even if their parents have attempted to teach them about money, they still haven't had the wonderfully frightening experience we have all had. Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts! Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Lets Read! The Benefits of Reading to Your Children Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you help them open the door to a big, exciting world. As a parent, you can begin an endless learning chain like this: You read to your children, they develop a love of stories and poems, they want to read on their own, they practice reading, and finally, they read for their own information or pleasure. Communications for Family Emergencies You know that children can get into trouble. The older they get, the bigger the problem as history would have it. My Sons Deployment One of the most difficult struggles in life for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not in the safest manner.A discussion of Inside Out cannot occur without me sharing some of my own personal struggles with the concept. Moms - Get More Energy Now Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect their wives or partners to do the lion's share.There are signs that we're moving toward a more enlightened age in which ALL parents play their part. Your Job as a Role Model A certain educator was once asked at what point should a parent begin to prepare for child raising."How old are you?" the educator inquired. Your Checking Account Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can either have a checking account or run to the bank or other outlet for money orders. Adolescence - Clues and Advice Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence. Adolescent thinking can and should reflect: abstract notions, the relationships of things to each other and people to each other, multiple responses to the same condition or question and the idea of thinking itself. Starting School - What Age Should Children Begin School? "What age should my child start school?"This is a common question that concerns many parents. It is complicated if your child's birthday happens to fall near a closing date for new school enrolments. Build Character with this Delicious Triple A Recipe! Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy, and their own way," answer millions of parents.They say you can catch more flies with a spoonful of honey than with a cupful of vinegar. Homeschooling Takes Your Child Out of Public School --- A Unique Benefit Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling worthwhile. Back to School Care Packages! I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness as my oldest daughter prepares for her freshman year of college at the University of Maryland in the fall. She has already told me I am to send care packages. What Makes a Good Evaluation for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? So you have just returned home from your third meeting with your child's teacher. She tells you that your child is not getting his work done, he cannot sit still, and he is simply not going to have any success in school unless something changes. School Days - Top 10 Tips for Establishing a Good Routine Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines, boundaries and rules. Unfortunately, parents often forget it! And yet by establishing good routines and encouraging children to help you maintain them, you have an opportunity to set a pattern and a discipline that will stay with your children for the rest of their lives. Misplaced Passion "Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys on my back? Will the result of my action be a blessing or a heavy burden?" --Alfred A. MontapertIt's that time of year again. Study Skills - Help Young People Study Smarter, Not Harder Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and effectively. By knowing how to study students maximize their time, improve their learning and also reduce stress. Top 20+ Reasons to Pay your Kid an Allowance 1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. Sibling Rivalry: The Magic Trick That Stops It Instantly It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining that, "He got a bigger piece of pie," or "She got to stay up an hour later last night."When sibling rivalry rears its ugly head, what do you do?Try to reason with the kids? Scream, threaten or punish them? Ignore it and run for cover?None of these methods is very effective for very long. Preventing Obesity in Young Children Do you have a young child whose weight or eating habits are out of control? Need some real world help with 'taming the cookie monster'? Here are some things that worked for our family.Our daughter, now 14 years old, was plump from birth and thrived happily for her first year on a combination of breast milk and formula.
|
Catalogue 4 Shopping UK offers thousands of low priced, top brand products in a variety of categories including fashion clothing, sportswear, DIY, electrical for home and garden. Remember it is often cheaper to shop via catalogue4shopping.co.uk than going direct, so bookmark us now (Ctrl +d) Enjoy your shopping. |
.jpg)